The bittersweet internal struggle is what happens when a totally insane opportunity presents itself and often find myself taking the step. Younger years, I recall losing myself in the steam, full throttle, pedal to the metal ...sometimes foolishly ending up more like Jimmy Dean's Porsche Spyder-a tangle of mangled mass.
Now aged and smarting from the arrogance of youth, every opportunity welcomed and decisively taken yet with less steam on the get go. The holidays puncuated my aging and I see time now like that eerie Indiglo on a dashboard that shows you all the measurements of the distance traveled, speed expended, direction...all screaming that your tank will be running on empty soon.
The first few hours on New Year's Eve gave me a preview of how alone one could get, which got me to think of what I'd ideally do when that time comes (kids all grown up and having families)...The time I spent mulling over the inevitable and feeling heartbreak in advance, one still voice in my head says I'd be doing what I do love most-writing. I guess that book that I've been putting off will be in a series by the time my kids have branched out. Wistful thinking never was harmful...
Just like most events in my life that most would react to right away, I do so belatedly. Call it denial or just a default setting before I am brave enough to come to terms with it. I guess this 2009, marks the last year I'd be in my 30's...My sister just turned 40 last year...so far no side effects haha-she's prettier than ever! Shall I get my move on or spend the eve of my 40th year in static????
So much to do and 360 days to lose yourself !!!
*Garfield and all characters included in the cartoon is created by Jim Davis*